I don’t wanna talk about it

Mark and I have had a long and personal journey in 2008. Now that we have our little miracle baking in the oven, I am finding that I don’t want to talk about it much with others.

I don’t want to hear about your sister who also had a miscarriage, I don’t want to hear your delivery horror stories, I don’t want to pray with you about it, I don’t want to tell you my baby names, I don’t want to hear your opinion on having twins (no, I’m not having twins), I don’t want you to ask me if I’m drinking enough water and I don’t want you to touch my belly (unless I have explicitly invited your hand there.) People have actually scrunched up their noses when I told them my baby names – who wants that!?!?!?

I don’t think this is selfish of me, more than anything, I’m trying to stay away from negative comments that would bring fear into my heart. I’m burying this promise deep in my heart so you can’t trash it or give me your negative opinion about it.

Or…maybe I’m just hormonal!


27 thoughts on “I don’t wanna talk about it

  1. LOLOLOL go girl! I think because its your first you may feel especially careful as far as names and such. I could care the less what people think of my weird names. I prayed about them and thats final.

    Im tooooooottttaaaallllyyy with you on the belly touching though. I HATE when people just assume its okay to touch my belly.

    All in all, this is your baby Judi. God has given you and MArk a beautiful gift, and how you choose to deal with this pregnancy is yours.

    There are people who even now dont think that I should be “getting exctied” about this pregnancy “in case I miscarry”. I ignore those people. I refuse to be afraid.

    Im so happy for you!!!!

  2. Ha! Yes! Why do people do this!? In my experience women seem to be the worst at this. In a related example (we haven’t had kids yet) when my wife and I were engaged there was a certain girl, who was also getting married soon, who always wanted to talk about sex. It was ridiculous, she would corner Cara and start to expound on an obviously personal issue. It wasn’t just excitement, it was like “tell me your fantasy and I’ll tell you mine” stuff, I’ve never seen anything like it. We finally got to the point that we had to simply avoid running into her.
    You have our compassion against the “awkwards” out there

    And I’ve never felt comfortable feeling a pregnant stomach, the few times it has occurred is because the mother has grabbed my hand and held it there…again, awkward.

  3. brian morris helped me come up with a few ways to avert people from touching my belly. why do people think this is appropriate?? we don’t normally go around touching other people’s stomachs. that’s so bizarre to me. and people always say the dumbest things when you’re pregnant. who knows why they say it, but they do.

    as far as the rest, i had someone tell me that they hated the name derek because they never knew anyone cool named derek. LAME! everyone who knows him sees how awesome he is! labor is hard but it’s a labor of love. no matter what happens, at the end of it you have a beautiful baby that is worth every moment. here’s to a beautiful pregnancy and your little bundle of joy that will have the perfect name for him/her and will be healthy because you gave the baby everything he/she needed.

    btw, you may be hormonal, but what woman wants to hear that either?

  4. Pingback: MePregnant

  5. Tam – for the record, you would totally be one of the few people that I would let touch my belly.

    Archie – um…sounds like this girl was looking for more than a friendly conversation! πŸ™‚

    Teresa – did you ever make that t-shirt? (yes, I’m pregnant, no, you can’t touch my belly, i don’t want your advice?)

  6. my friend makes that t-shirt. it says, “i’m due in , no it’s not twins, no you can’t touch.” want one?? i could totally hook you up. i’m sure it can be revised to say anything your heart desires. πŸ™‚

  7. Unfortunately, the questions become more…and you want to hear/answer them less. I think the key to having your belly go untouched….don’t smile. But as I’ve never seen you without a smile, that’s probably going to be a bit hard. πŸ™‚ Good Luck! And remember, all this pestering is really just everyone being excited with you.

  8. i’m 8.5 weeks. I measure 10 days behind what I orignally thought I was. but who cares…I heard the heart beat : )

    Whenever my husband was with me he would immediately speak up for me if anyone tried to touch my belly, so when mark is with you it may be easier.

  9. I’ve got only one question…let’s us hear about strange cravings. Those are always good to light’n up the tension. Donuts (wonderful), Pizza (OMgoodness), but combined, I don’t think so!

    I get so excited about babies it’s hard not to talk about them, but touching the stomach is a little to personal.

  10. Small town dad – I like to talk about the fun stuff, but everyone seems to dwell on the negative…so weird! I’m actually craving pickles and anything sour. I also want subway alot. Also, I usually like onions, but I want to puke if I even think about them!

  11. Sorry, I just crave food all the time!
    Just take care of yourself, and the smell good bundle of joy will be here before you know it.

  12. Oh sure, he gets to touch your belly; hasn’t Mark Thomas done enough already? FWIW; I realize you have settled on Natasha or Ivan for the name but suggest you reconsider Nadia or Igor as I here your Mark is rather set on them.

  13. Hi Judi!!

    I’m just soooooo ecstatic for you and Mark. I had such a wonderful time seeing you guys at Christmas. I can’t wait to see my nephew or niece!!! You write such an interesting blog! Keep keeping us all informed on all the good stuff lol!

  14. I totally understand you Judi! Awesome that you can speak/write that out, and it should be something totally easy to respect. I’m with you on the hands off the belly, too. It’s funny it seems to be total strangers who do it more often then actual friends!
    Nothing but positive vibes coming from bitter cold Wisconsin πŸ™‚ We’re keeping you guys in our prayers!

  15. There is no rule that says you have to share ANYTHING about your pg with people….especially the negative people. πŸ˜‰

    With each baby I did realize that little old ladies that wanted to talk or touch my belly were really just missing what they had such a long time ago. With my first I didn’t let anyone who wasn’t a good friend come near my belly, but by the third I was letting strangers (read: cute little old ladies) touch my belly. πŸ˜†

    This first pg with just the two of you will be something you look back on for YEARS to come. You will miss the intimacy of it all….something just the two of you can share without any distractions (like other little kiddos).

    The only thing I want to hear about (besides the fun cravings and such!) is when that baby starts movin! That was always my favorite part. I tear up just thinking about that awesome feeling. πŸ˜€

  16. p.s. I’ve heard people say that when someone asks to touch your belly you should ask to touch their nose. πŸ˜† I read an article in a magazine once (obviously a parenting one) about a woman who rubbed another womans belly after she rubbed her pg belly w/o asking. (follow that?) πŸ˜† The other woman was COMPLETELY offended. Seriously now…. how is that not different!

    I will say I am VERY anal AFTER the baby comes about people touching the baby. Pretty sure I turn into a complete psycho. πŸ˜†

  17. Hi Judi!
    Curt and I are so, so excited for you and Mark and this baby! Obviously I am a little late on making a comment about what you said but I thought I would throw in my two cents. I think that people are just trying to connect with you about the problems that you had getting pregnant and now the fact that you are having a baby so they say comments that you might think are annoying or offensive. I dont think that people are doing it out of spite or hate, maybe some are, but the majority I think are just trying to make conversation or connect with you, encourage you, etc. All that to say, I put my money on you being hormonal.
    For the past week I have been meditating on 1 Corinthians 13. I thought it kinda went perfectly with what you are dealing with. I totally understand where you are coming from with the struggles of wanting to be pregnant and now that you are you just dont want the fear and anxiety….(well I dont understand the now being pregnant part) but remember, its still Gods gift to you. You have to trust him with everything still and just let peoples comments roll off your back. He will take care of you.
    We are praying for a healthy wonderful pregnancy for you and cant wait to see that baby someday!


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