Mark and I share an incredible ministry together. Every Wednesday night, we lead a young generation to the throne room where we join in with the angels and worship our everlasting God. It is incredibly satisfying, challenging and overwhelming all at once.
However, what Mark and I do on Wednesday nights is just a small part of what Mark does at the church. You see, Mark works at our church…and I don’t. He gets to plan, write music, and cast vision all day long while I’m sitting in my 6’x8′ cubicle blogging, preparing reports, and writing emails.
I’m still trying to find where I fit into the whole ministry since I don’t actually work there. And the hard truth that I am coming to terms with is – I don’t fit in all of it.
There is a portion of the ministry that Mark and I do together and there is a portion that Mark will do with other people. I am learning to share the load and share my husband with a team…but it’s proving to be quite a hard lesson for me.
There is a line in the bridge of the song, “Hosanna”, recorded by Hillsong that makes me cry everytime I hear it:
Heal my heart and make it clean.
Open up my eyes to the things unseen.
Show me how to love like you have loved me.
Break my heart for what breaks yours.
Everything I have for your kingdom’s cause.
I have become so calloused. A beautiful 9 year old girl told me yesterday that she is moving to Mexico on Friday (and traveling by bus) because her dad is in jail in Mexico and he wants to see her for Christmas. I was shocked to hear it, but my heart didn’t bleed for her. It didn’t hurt . But it hurts now as I listen to this song.
Jesus, BREAK MY HEART FOR WHAT BREAKS YOURS. Your people are hurting…I want to feel the hurt and pain because I’m afraid that’s the only way I will ever do anything about it.
Tomorrow, I have the opportunity to speak to the interns of Orchard Road Christian Center and I get to pick the topic. After much prayer and thinking, I have decided to talk to them about “WHAT MINISTRY/LEADERSHIP REQUIRES”. It will be a practical talk about the realities of ministry. I pray it will be encouraging and uplifting, but I plan on talking about some difficult stuff…stuff like:
Ministry/leadership transcends personality and friendships – If you are only kind to your friends how are you different from anyone else. Matthew 5:47. You will have to minister and work with people that you may not “mesh” with. The twelve discipes were comprised of some fisherman, a tax collector and a revolutionary – and the only thing they really had in common was Jesus.
Worship transcends music preferences and music altogether – this explains itself
When your message is not received, you must move on – I’ll warn about the dangers of bitterness and we will review what the deciples did when they were not received.
We will talk about some other things like family, finances and priorities. Pray for me and pray that the Holy Spirit moves! Any thoughts on this issue???
Ever since I got the iPhone, I take pictures of myself every day. E-V-E-R-Y-D-A-Y!!!! I told my friends this and they laughed their heads off…especially when they saw the pictures. I’m a dweeb that likes to check her makeup and take funny pictures.
For your enjoyment:
At work, I really think about everything I’m going to say or email. I take a breath and think, “How will this impact the situation/person/problem?” I’m very diligent and respectful about this and I usually do not say anything out of pure emotion.
However, I don’t do the same thing at home. Instead of thinking about my response to Mark or my parents, I usually blurt out my first emotionall and irrational response. It usually takes a 5 or 10 minute conversation for me to back out of my “blurt” and tell the person that I love what I really meant to say.
When it comes to the people we love, why is it so hard to treat them with the same respect we do our co-workers or boss?
There’s a piece of me that wants to be the baby of the family forever. I’m the youngest of 4 in my family and I was the youngest cousin on both sides of my very large family. I’m not expected to make anything at holiday gatherings, I get presents on my sibling’s birthdays, everyone tries to protect my feelings, and my big brothers threaten to beat up anyone that messes with me. I love it.
This is weird though, because I really want to have a baby of my own.
Can I have both? Babies having babies doesn’t sound like a good thing to me…Maybe it’s just time to be a big girl.
As Josh would say, “Grow Up!”